Monday, January 7, 2013

It's probably a raccoon casino.

     There is some kind of animal living under our house, right under the master bedroom. The damn thing is SO LOUD and only does construction at night, right when we want to sleep. Building a nest can't be that loud. I'm pretty sure it's building a casino under there. Something has to be done. Husband went out there last night and made a few banging noises, I don't know what he did really, and that helped for a while but it eventually it came back. The animal was smart enough not to build the casino under the baby's room, or we would probably have planted bombs under there by now.

(Insert totally nonexistent segue here.) P.S. I fucking love that you are going to look up "segue" on right now. Go ahead, do it. Here's the link. :)

     I would like to take some time to say a few words about marriage. I am qualified to give my two cents because:
1. I am married, and
2. I was previously divorced.

     The thing about marriage is that you have forever linked yourself to another human that did not come from your insides. That's relevant because when a human has been created from your own guts, you are somehow more willing to deal with their shit. Having a spouse is so cool because your best friend is with you all the time, and you get to have a sleepover every day. But just like at a sleepover, sometimes you get to that point where you just wanna call the kid's Mom and tell her to come pick up her little brat. I'm pretty sure my Mother-in-law wouldn't come.
     I have only been married to my best friend for 9 months. But I have to say, we are really good at being married! We argue like most people can only dream of. Respectful of opinions, honest no matter what, aware that the argument is only temporary...We were in the middle of an argument last night and paused to discuss the lack of television programming options! As stupid as we both may sound to each other sometimes, we retain respect for each other. We listen, and consider. That is essential to a good marriage.

     My first marriage produced the most wonderful son anyone has ever had. No shut up, your son is just lame next to mine. My son is the shit, and you better recognize. Nah...I'm sure your son is great, but something about bragging about mine brings out the gangster white girl in me.
     The point was supposed to be that although our son is amazing, the marriage sucked. I was totally bat-shit-crazy, and he was a craptastic fucktard. These combined traits do not make for a blissful marriage. Maybe the problem was that we were too young, or maybe it was that we were both idiots, but either way, my advice is to avoid marrying a fucktard or any other mentally unstable person. Does that sound like common sense? It's not.
     Okay that's all the advice I have to give for today.

     As far as my day went, it was pretty rad. I took Bug to the doctor and my Mommy instincts about her having an ear infection were correct, so I can get her on the right antibiotics and get her feeling better soon. Yay. I picked up The Boy from the airport (he was visiting his family in California) and now our family is complete again. He grew another inch I think, and he can pick me up when he hugs me with no problem! Oh, and when his sister saw him and he scooped her up and snuggled her, it was priceless. Those two have a bond that is way beyond me. I love it.

I made broccoli cheese soup for dinner. Mr. Husband thinks it smells like awful so he doesn't partake. But Gage and I love it, so..humph.

     Bug had Garbanzo beans, sweet potato, and green beans. I was lazy.

     Oh and I almost forgot my Mom of the Year moment! I let her play in the pantry while I cooked. Yes those are beer bottles. They have been saved because we plan to make our own beer eventually. Okay...they are glass, and dangerous and whatever, but they kept her quiet for like...15 minutes! Do you have any idea how LONG that is???? If you are talking shit right now then, no, you don't. Go have a toddler for a few weeks and then tell me how many ideals you've never smudged a bit...Mmm Hmm....Thought so.

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