Mom of the year

         The last two days, Bug woke up way too fucking early. 5:30am yesterday, and 5:00am today. That means I got about 8 hours of sleep in 2 days. Not good. I'm a super bitch if I don't sleep enough. It makes my tummy hurt, and I feel stupid and slow all day, and it just ruins my whole mood. So today I was a super bitch. I've been trying to get a couple sewing projects done, but couldn't do anything until tonight when I finally asked Gage to babysit for a couple hours. Instantly I felt better, even though I totally fucked it up. I think I just needed some ME time. I don't mind being super Mom everyday, but once in a while, on days like these when I'm exhausted, I just can't function right. I found myself singing to her, "Ohhhh poor babyyyy......why do you just fucking cryyyyy allll the time....??? Stop fucking crying babyyyy......I hate whining.....it really is fucking annoying.....wahhhh....I'm not sorry about giving you the wrong cup... la la

     When people ask how we met, we look at each other and smile. I can't speak for Husband, but what I'm always thinking in that moment is, "How much should we tell these people?"      We met in a bar. That fact is usually enough to make ignorant people write off our marriage as likely being a poor decision, and it's a reaction we don't care for when relaying our love story. To us it is a grand  journey that rivals the most famous romances. To others is might look like a train wreck. I think we like it that way. Kind of a big, punk rock, FUCK YOU to the white-picket-fence set. I would LOVE to tell you the whole story, because the honesty and purity of it is beautiful (and funny. And maybe gross.), but since there were others involved and our children and family read this, I must be more discreet. The gist of the greatest love story ever told is this: July 2010      When we first met I was dating someone very wrong for me, a cheating hooker who had a

     I was recently reminded that I may be alienating myself, Husband and the kids by announcing my views and thoughts in a public forum. That people who meet us or don't know us well may consider my views and humor to be off-putting or they may be misunderstood entirely. I might be pissing off everyone I know. I have no idea. Sigh....I wish I cared more, but I just don't.      This blog isn't for YOU. It's for me. Sure it's nice that I have a few readers, because everyone likes to feel understood and accepted. But I'm not trying to be internet famous, or make money off this. And if you don't like what I have to say, don't read it. If I am your friend and you read something here you disagree with, let's talk about it. Or shut up because I didn't say those things about/to YOU, in particular. Not everything is about you.      Actually, I have restrained myself quite a bit in this forum. One time I re-wrote the same paragraph a dozen times to ma

     I saw an engagement photo this morning that annoyed the crap out of me. It included text with some nonsense about how woman was made from Adam's rib. First of all, Genesis is by far my least favorite story from the bible because it is the most ridiculous. If you really think snakes talk, get your head checked. Second, if man was made in God's perfect image, and then woman made from man's image, it suggests that women are less perfect than men. Oh how I LOVE antiquated ideologies...      What was this engagement photo trying to say? The message I got from it was that these two people are now complete because they have each other. Homeboy found his rib and whatnot. Ugh....can we please stop with the "you complete me" crap? Complete your damn self.      After that I started my forever long search on homeschool curriculums. Husband and I think it is most likely the best choice for Bug, for lots of reasons. Public school is shitty and increasingly dangerous, pr

     Ahhh...you know....I am just not really an animal person. I thought I was because I like house cats and funny squirrel videos on YouTube, but really...no. True animal people are like, vegetarians who rescue strays and send money to the World Wildlife Fund, and don't mind if their dog pees on their ottoman. They have key-chains that say funny things about how animals are better than people. I do not fit into that category, in any way, shape or form. I LOVE kitty cats, and have had a pet cat (or 3) since birth. I HATE cat hair on my clothes, though. I will not go anywhere covered in pet fur. If my cat pees on something, then that something is getting thrown away, and the cat will probably have to live outside from then on. I didn't used to be like that, until I had this asshole stray cat that I "rescued" and the goddamn thing pissed all over my entertainment center, coffee table, carpet, kitchen cabinets....and then some. I then realized that: 1. I didn't "

     Bug suddenly has three words! Three very loud words.      "WOW!" is accompanied by balled up fists, or she bends over and points with both hands toward something or someone to accentuate the whole situation. "Wow" basically covers everything, but is used in a way that suggests she is proud of something, or herself.     "That." or "This" is what you always hear when she points to something. "That" can be a question, as in 'what is THAT?' or a statement, as in, 'I want THIS'. Her favorite past time? To point at every single thing around her and say, "THAT." And then we tell her what 'That' or 'This' is. ALL. DAY. LONG.      It's pretty adorable.      Yesterday she was walking around the room, screeching like a pterodactyl, yelling at her toys and at us, and exclaiming "WOW!" at the tippy top of her lungs. She lectured her toys and her family while waving her arms around