Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Masturbatory condiments.

     Hahahahaha...oh wow....I was just looking at the stats for my blog, because I was interested to see where my views are coming from these days. For a while there, I had a ton of readers from a vampire website in Russia. Don't ask, I have no idea. So anyway, at the bottom there's a spot where it will tell you if someone hit your blog from a search entry. Like, if I type into Google, "Who is the mom of the year?" and my blog showed up in the search results. So the only hit I ever got from a search just appeared, and it is fascinating! The search entry was....

"Can you masturbate with honey?"

     Isn't that the best thing you've heard all day? What happened there? I'm dying to find out...was this person desperately searching their pantry for something to masturbate with? Do they just really like honey and wanted to be more intimate with it? Is it a fetish? I can't imagine which is most likely...and then what happened, did they go through with it? I hope they found the answer they were looking for, cuz my blog is not a good source of information on masturbatory condiments. Hmmm...perhaps it should be. I'm certainly no expert, but I think I can get by.

Condiments good for masturbating:
Ranch dressing, mayonnaise, mustard, hummus, ketchup, cooking and salad oil, sour cream, Cool Whip, BBQ sauce, jelly or jam (seedless), guacamole, frosting.

Condiments NOT good for masturbating:
Salsa, Tabasco or other hot sauce, HONEY, peanut butter, coarse ground mustard, sliced jalapenos or any other pepper, any vinaigrette containing pepper, garlic, or seeds, marshmallow fluff, Parmesan cheese.

     Of course this list is not exhaustive, and you should never ever put anything inside your body. This is just a loose guideline in case I ever get that hit again. You're welcome.

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