Sunday, June 16, 2013

Night of the douchebags.

     I'm feeling frustrated this morning. There is so much going on lately, so many things in the works, and it feels like we are finally figuring out what life will be like here. There are some things about that which are not going to work out for us. Changes must be made. That is where the frustration comes. Such is life, though, right? Meh.

     Our once a month date night was yesterday. We always go get sushi at the same joint, and sit at the bar and watch the chefs make art out of food. We talk and laugh and shit, and soak up the awesomeness of being alone together and out of the house. Well, last night the douchiest douche sat down next to us at the bar with his poor, unfortunate first date, and we had to hear him strike out with this girl because he WAS THE LOUDEST PERSON THERE. This dude talked about himself non-stop. He bragged about not needing his tax return because "It's only $1000, so whatever", about the shows he's been to, a car he used to have, where he's lived, etc. They both work at Friday's and so-and-so doesn't give him any shit because he  doesn't take shit from nobody. He gave great detail about all the movies and bands he likes and why, and all the movies coming out he won't go see and why, and which bands are stupid and why. He told her about a professor that gave him an A just for showing up, even though he never did the work. He spoke to the chef as if he knew him, but the chef just smiled and nodded with a confused look on his face. It just got worse and worse, and his date went from excited and hopeful when they sat down, to silent and looking at her phone when we left, and that was after they had THREE sake bombs. If you can bore a girl into her phone after three sake bombs, you are clearly the biggest douchebag on earth and should just give up and go home to your Call of Duty, Mountain Dew and free internet porn. You know, the really crappy kind where it's just like, a .gif or a 5 second clip. Flippin' loser.

     We also went to a Burlesque show- which was pretty cool. It was kind of a strange experience though. First of all, I was wearing jeans, Chuck's and a shirt from Old Navy, and was pretty sure I'd be under dressed. I expected there to be a gaggle of rockabilly chicks and wanna-be pin-up girls all over the place because back home, that's the scene for this kind of thing. But that was not the case here. I did not see a single rockabilly, pin-up, greaser, punk, etc there. These chicks were either dressed like hookers from the 90's, or like they were going to a tea party with their mothers. No tattoos, no bandana wraps, no red lipstick, no plugs, no cherry prints, no piercings. HUH? I was thoroughly confused. The drunk idiots behind us kept saying, "I'm swaying man, I'm so drunk. What's burlesque? What are we doing here?" Uh...I don't know dude, but please don't puke on my back.

     Something pissed me off there. The first two dancers were older than me I think, and super skinny. They didn't do a thing for me, mostly because they weren't believable. They looked...like they were doing us a favor, kind of. I mean, they put on a decent show, but it wasn't at all sexy to me, just going through the motions. The third dancer was rad. She was dressed like a nurse, was funny and raunchy, and totally looked like she was having a good time. She also happened to be like, maybe a size 18 or 16. A bigger girl. Husband and I only golf clapped for the first two dancers, but the third actually got some noise out of us, she was awesome!
     What pissed me off is that while her show was on, people kept walking out. Smug looking men and women with no manners and NO TASTE. WTF. Seriously, you just knew those people were no fun to be around if they could hate on this woman's show. I wanted to trip all of them as they filed past me with those stinky looks on their faces. Like, who do they think they are? You're at a Burlesque show for God's sake, RELAX! Ugh, people are so stupid. Must be a miserable life when you can't appreciate a beautiful woman doing a sexy dance for you. Have fun at the douche bar down the street with your stuck-up girlfriends, assholes....

     When we were on our way home we decided to stop into a liquor store and get something a little more fun than beer, and take advantage of our baby-free evening. What we discovered on our quest, was one more reason to hate Florida. Why in the name of fuck, are the liquor stores closed at 11pm on a Saturday night?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PLACE? Sometimes I feel like Charlton Heston in Soylent Green, where he's all fucked up and disgusted and tells the guy, "Soylent Green is people!" How did I make that connection? Because the utter shock and disgust Charlton Heston is feeling from the knowledge that Soylent Green was made of people and everyone has been eating it without knowing what it was, is the same way I feel when religious fundamentalists make laws governing the general population - including people who don't even belong to their religion, and everyone here thinks that is OKAY! It is total nonsense and I am constantly shocked by what people are willing to swallow in the name of someone else's morals, and that anyone can think it's perfectly acceptable to force their beliefs on everyone else. Why are these people allowing others to make decisions for them?? Do they even understand that it isn't alright for one person to force their religious practices on you? BLUE LAWS ARE OPPRESSIVE! WAKE UP!
UGH. All I wanted was a pint, and now they made me go all crazy town....sheesh.


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