Wednesday, March 13, 2013

I'm a bro, fuck it.

     Oh, for fuck's sake! I just found a very helpful website for my losing weight journey, Get drunk not fat. I am a beer girl. For sure. Like, the second the kid is asleep I have a beer in my hand, kind of beer girl. I do not fuck around. Out of the "lower calorie" alcoholic beverages I can stand or at least mostly deal with, and are available anywhere you go, I'm stuck with Miller Lite?! They can't even spell "light" correctly. Gahhh......alright, gimme the black socks and white sneaks...oh don't forget the Tap-out Tshirt! I'm a fucking bro now. It's over. Any delusion of coolness has left the building. I don't even want to be seen in public with a Miller Lite in my hand. Jesus Christo! (pronounced; Hayzoose kreeeestow. I think. Wait no that's the white girl translation. Whatever.)

     Oh, just stop drinking beer? No. That's not happening. No, shut up...alcoholic shmalkoholic! You're probably fat and you don't even HAVE a love affair with beer. Vodka and diet coke? That's disgusting and you know it, and the only reason it's a better choice is because you'd only make it through one. Hmm...smoke the pot? Great idea, Mr. two different cereals on a bed of ice cream and whole milk at 1:00am! Mmmm....NO. What's that you say? Learn to cope without anything but the Dalai Lama's daily inspirational quote and the knowledge that I am alive and capable of greatness and a witness to the infinite beauty the earth has given me? Maybe you missed it in my profile, but...I'M AN AMERICAN. So, no.

     I joined this website where you enter your personal height/weight/age info, your weight loss goal, what you eat and what exercise you do, and it calculates your target caloric intake and calories burned for the day. Since I am about to have a beer right now, I will be 127 calories over my 1200 calorie limit. Maybe that isn't so bad, except I have killed myself exercising today and as a result have the worst acid reflux I've had in 5 years. I have a hiatal hernia, so things like bending over, jogging, and crunches cause pretty gnarly pain for me. Is it worth it? I don't know!

     Pretty soon I will be at the beach as much as possible. I already bit the bullet years ago and switched from bikini bottoms to trunks due to being 32 and veins showing through my see-through skin and all, and although that sucked at first, it became a whatever. I made it cute. If I don't get rid of this belly, I'll be in trunks and a sweatshirt. That's not cute. I try to think of my impression of other women on the beach that are overweight, as a reference to reality, and I honestly envy the ones who wear whatever they want and don't give a shit. So then, maybe this is a confidence issue? That pisses me off! I think I am pretty confident, a lot more than most! I feel like it's weak to not have confidence, whoever you are. Why wouldn't you love yourself? You're the only you that you have, your best advocate and SHOULD be your biggest fan and supporter. Back yourself up! Uhhhh.........Fuuuuuckkk........okay, rant over.

      These last few days have been so busy. Mom will be here on Monday. The spring cleaning bug is starting to hit me. The big monthly shopping trip is Friday- which entails 4 different stores and a trip home in-between because there's so much stuff, all with my crazy ass toddler in tow. Gage's grades are slipping in their usual mid-semester fashion, so wrangling a teenage boy is in the mix. I also want to make a few more things for the online auction of Sterling's Closet merchandise, coming up in the next few weeks, so plans for that are in the works. I do still remember to take the camera with me here and there, though, and got some pretty good stuff.

While I was cleaning the bathroom with Bug (I give her a washcloth to wipe the random stuff she notices), it got quiet. All the Mom's are nodding their heads and saying....uh-oh! Yeah. Thank goodness there wasn't much on the roll. But I let her go with it until she was bored. Why not? We wipe our asses with that paper, and poop is waaayyyy dirtier than her hands. In this activity, she gets to see what happens and how something works! That is the true beauty of being a stay-at-home Mom. I am chill. I don't ever have to freak out about this kind of stuff because I have time to deal with it! AMAZING! It's sooo different than when Gage was little. I was so frustrated all the time, it sucked for both of us.


This was on one of our walks. She found a dandelion for the first time, and took it. For some reason, that totally floored me. I got to see the FIRST time she noticed a dandelion! How rad is that?!


         Oh yeah, a new pope was chosen. Who cares?


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