Saturday, July 6, 2013

Drunk. Forgive my mistakes ;)

     Please appreciate that I am a grown up, and I generally no longer get to have moments of drunken prose and reflection due to the task and joy of raising children and needing to be "ON" at all times. But here I am. And it is SWEET. My wonderful, hard working, thoughtful and perfect for me Husband and Bestest Friend is at a sports bar watching the UFC fight. I was actually excited to tell him, "Go watch the fight, I'm fine here. You need some YOU time to do whatever", because he deserves it and never takes the opportunity. he always prefers to spend his free time with me, his "roll dog".. It felt good to see him go and feel a little weird about it though, I admit. We're pretty much a disgustingly beautiful love long. *sigh*

     My hometown, the one I didn't live in until I was 30, and the one where everyone knows everyone else and it is actually a good thing, is currently celebrating the Jamboree days 4th of July weekend (aka Jam Days) and I am missing it. It's a giant 3 day party for the whole mountain, and last year I had a huge party with everyone I love including family and friends at my house. This year, I am in another state, alone. One that I still pretty much hate, and my only friends are my in-laws who are working themselves to death and my sweet new Friend who's mother died unexpectedly yesterday so she is flying back to Cali in a couple days. The similarities between us are getting weird. She's been here a couple months and a parent dies??? Whoa. My life. Anyway, my heart breaks for her and the whole thing is bringing me to a fucked up place. I need to visit this place on occasion, but that that doesn't stop it from sucking. Fuck it sucks! I miss my Dad. Fucker. God he was such a dick sometimes. But he was absolutely the best grandfather anyone has ever had. My son is a better person because of my Dad. I can't be mad at that. Okay I don't wanna cry - cuz if you start crying when you're drinking, you probably will never stop...

     Aw shit. So I started downoading music, and I have a long list of artists to get. I started at Ministry and now I'm at Ani Difranco. In general, that means that Kerry has gone to a dark place. Hahaha. She's brilliant though. I think she's why Husband thinks I'm a closet hippy. LOL. I want to give you a song of hers to represent her, but that's like giving you one Zeppelin or Beatles song and saying, "THIS is Ani Difranco", and it just would not be entirely accurate. But here goes:

     That's kinda how I feel tonight. Ani has chronicled my painful and joyful trek through love and life, as she has for many others. And now, it's sort of ...funny. Because when you finally get it right, it is so embarrassingly simple, you wonder...Why in the fuck didn't I get it sooner?! I do not know! All I can do is laugh, because it's the only power over the situation I have left. Whatever works, right? In the end, I did what I thought was right. That's all anyone can do. Wow that was rather vague...Probably won't even make sense tomorrow. Eh. Fuck it.

     Okay one more, because this one fucks me up pretty gnarly when I hear it. No, I don't give a fuck if you actually listen to it, ultimately this blog is for ME when I'm old and can't remember the details anymore. Isn't it funny how accurate a song can be to your life, while so many other people can feel the same connection? It means we are not special snowflakes. Life continues, and it repeats, and we never know we should have listened to those before us until we are 36 and drunk with our laptops all alone on a Saturday night, anxiously awaiting our spouse to come home and cuddle us in the exact way that nobody else figured out.. Sweet dreams on that note, kids...I hear the door of his truck slam shut :D

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