Friday, August 16, 2013

Walmart. Ohhh, Walmart....

     Today was fucking nuts. I have experienced so many different emotions, but due to the PMS that has developed after this last kid, most of it has been a roller coaster of crazy. You know when everything you try to do just doesn't work out right? That's my day. But to my surprise I handled it all with relative grace. Until I got to Walmart.

DUN DUN DUN....Walmart.

     I go to the ghetto-est Walmart because it's the closest to me. I don't give a shit if it's dirty or the patrons barely got dressed to go there, as long as I don't have to drive too far. I used to care about that shit. But now my life is run by this toddler's nap and meal schedule, so my time for shopping and driving is limited. Convenience is key.

     The back-story is: Our month was all tight and planned out as far as moneys go. And then some unexpected shit came up, as it often does but I apparently forgot. Specialized tools had to be purchased to finish jobs. Our truck is old and eats A TON of gas. Product was not ordered when it should have been. Blah blah blah... we ended up broke 3 days before payday. So, I got our change jars and headed to the Coinstar at Walmart to see what we could get. We've been able to pay utility bills with the change jar before, so I was hopeful we'd at least have some gas and dinner money.

     So I find the Coinstar machine and start pouring the change in, and after about $15 it tells me to slow down so it can catch up. Okay....waiting, waiting....and then a big CLUNK and the machine stops. The screen says to get a manager. UGH. I asked the clerk nearby for a manager, who comes over and takes the machine apart and cleans it for about 20 minutes. The nastiest, sickest shit came out of that thing, it was seriously nauseating. But she finally fixed it and I was able to finish pouring in my change, which turned out to be twice as much as I had hoped for. Score!

     During that long 20 minutes, I tried the best I could to entertain Bug and keep her from flipping out. I stood near the Coinstar, but out of the way of the main walkway and the line for customer service. I must remind you that people who are in line at Walmart's customer service desk are generally pissed off people. So I REALLY tried to stay away from them while being as close as possible to my coins.
     Apparently I wasn't far enough away from the line though, because this grumpy bitch kept rolling her fat eyes at me (No really. they were like, Grave's disease fat), and scooting her fat ass closer to us, to the point of hanging her cheeks over the side of my cart! All so I would get the hint and move out of her (perceived) way. Bug was waving at her kids, and even her kids were too grumpy to wave back! At my adorable baby! WTF is wrong with you children?! Bug is all super cute, waving and saying, "babababa.." in her tiny little sweet voice that is normally irresistible, and these little shits were totally unmoved. Clearly they were grumpy bitches like their grumpy bitch Mom. Dude! That pissed me off...
Grave's disease


     So for 20 minutes I had a passive aggressive bitch fight with this woman and her 3 kids, over personal space in a check out line. She puts her ass cheek on my cart, I 'accidentally' run over her foot...First world problems, right? Whenever me or Husband start complaining about something petty, we have a go-to retort to make that person shut the fuck up. The correct response to complaints about first world problems is: "HELEN KELLER". Fuck right off. Please tell me you know who that is? Oh for fucks sake..
     Helen Keller was born in 1880, contracted like, meningitis or something at 19 months old which took her hearing and sight, and in effect prevented her from speaking as well. And as a blind and deaf woman unable to communicate other than through rudimentary signs, she was the first of anyone with her disabilities to earn a bachelor of arts degree. And she was a WOMAN which would have been a feat in itself. She's a fucking badass, and unless you are blind, deaf and dumb, and a member of the most distressed minority...shut up.

     I got off track. Basically, I ran over this bitch's foot and that wasn't classy. I kind of got scared when I did it too, cuz I couldn't have backed myself up in that situation if she has chosen to jump me. But whatever. I knew she was full of shit. I win.

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