Wednesday, August 7, 2013

It looks like a hooker.

"I feel sorry for women who say that being a mother was their life long goal. Like, isn't there anything else you'd like to accomplish? Travel to Italy? Get an education and a career that brings you satisfaction? Learn another language?"

     This post in a Mommy forum set me off this morning. Sigh....I probably already covered this, but WHAT'S WRONG WITH MOTHERHOOD BEING A LIFE LONG GOAL?????? Please sit your feminist ass down and listen for a minute. Being a good Mother is not a "less than" endeavor. Choosing Motherhood does not mean you're too stupid to do something else. Wanting to be good at it, and striving for it, is honorable. Dreaming about being a Mommy when you're just a little girl is as normal as dreaming about being a doctor when you grow up, or a chef, or a truck driver, or anything else! STOP attributing the role of Motherhood to the brainwashed fundamentalist cultures, because those are not the only women who's greatest goal in life was to be a Mom. 

     God this pisses me off so much. I wonder if the women who say this kind of stuff might be the same ones who harbor guilt over their own performance in the role of Mom, and pass off their negative feelings onto other people to take the heat off themselves. That's not to say that I don't feel guilty about my own performance in one instance or another. I do. I have not always done the best, right thing, and I feel terrible over it sometimes. But then I realize that those emotions are not useful, to me or my kids, and so I let them go and try to be better the next day. But yes, it WAS my main goal in life to be a Mom. My other goals changed, but wanting to be a Mom never changed. I think I have gotten better at it as I have grown older and more aware, and I'm really proud of that. THAT is enough for me right now. I am totally fulfilled in my role as Mother, and going to Italy, learning a language or gaining a career wouldn't even TOUCH the satisfaction I get out of being a Mom. If my daughter wants the same thing, good for her! If she would rather spend her life under the hood of a car as a mechanic, that's fucking peachy too! But whatever she is, she better be a good one, because that is what I'm trying to teach these kids above all else. Have integrity.

     Here's the thing. People get so bent over gender roles. As if not buying your daughter dolls will make her more of a powerful woman. Or buying your son a toy tool belt will make him more masculine. That isn't how it works. Kids, especially young ones, try on different gender roles as a means of understanding the world around them. That means they want to push a baby in the stroller just like their Mommy does to them, or twirl the screwdriver because that's what daddy does, or vice-verse. Gage would try on my clothes and shoes, just as often as he would pretend to shave like his dad.
     
     I agree that forcing any gender role on your child is harmful, and encouraging negative gender roles is even worse. It is for this reason that my daughter will never own a Bratz doll. My little cousin LOVED these dolls when she was small, but they always creeped me out.
It looks like a hooker. With a cat.

     But is Motherhood negative? Of course not. Don't discourage your daughters from wanting to be a Mom just because you have some kind of fear that they won't do anything else. Of course she will, she will accomplish all kinds of things, because that's how you will raise her. But don't make her feel stupid or less than for striving to be a Mommy. The same goes for boys that want to be fathers. Gage has always wanted his own kids, and nobody ever discouraged that. I hope if he still wants to be a father as an adult, he is able to do it. 
     Another thing that bears mention is that even if you do everything possible to steer your baby girl away from anything "typically female/male" or your son away from everything "typically male/female", they will still do whatever the fuck they want one day. My Mother never allowed me to play with Barbies, and I ended up working in a strip club for ten years. And now I'm a stay at home Mom. There ya go.

     In the end, you just do the best you can, and whatever you think is right, and you will rarely consider anyone else's opinion when it comes to how you raise your kids. So whatever. I may as well be talking to the wall. I think everyone just needs to calm the fuck down, though. Myself included. A Bratz or a Barbie doll won't turn Bug into a hooker. I just don't like them and don't want them in my house. I also don't allow Dora the Explorer or fucking Barney to ever play on the TV. *shudder* I HATE them. Gage didn't know who Barney was until he was grown. Here's a list of other things my daughter will have to live with:

1. No bikini's or makeup until she's in high school.
2. No slumber parties or sleepovers unless they are at my house, or I am very close with the parents and I am sure the Mom will be up checking on them all night. 
3. No dating until she's old enough to drive herself away from a bad situation.
4. She will learn to drive a stick before an automatic.
5. She will have to be involved in at least one sport, and at least one arts class every year. (This one we are working on for Gage too).
6. She will dress to her age. No off the shoulder shirts bedazzled with "Wild One" or "Bad Kitty" or any other stupid shit.
7. When she does start dating, she will get on the pill immediately. Because hormones are a bitch to ignore when you're young and in love, and I'm not trying to raise another kid when I'm almost 50.
8. She must learn how to fight. Like a man.

     I can't think of anything else right now, but there will be more. Ugh, now I feel stressed worrying about her future self. I'm soooo glad she's only one....

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