Monday, April 22, 2013

This is the problem I want to have.

     When people ask how we met, we look at each other and smile. I can't speak for Husband, but what I'm always thinking in that moment is, "How much should we tell these people?"

     We met in a bar. That fact is usually enough to make ignorant people write off our marriage as likely being a poor decision, and it's a reaction we don't care for when relaying our love story. To us it is a grand  journey that rivals the most famous romances. To others is might look like a train wreck. I think we like it that way. Kind of a big, punk rock, FUCK YOU to the white-picket-fence set. I would LOVE to tell you the whole story, because the honesty and purity of it is beautiful (and funny. And maybe gross.), but since there were others involved and our children and family read this, I must be more discreet. The gist of the greatest love story ever told is this:

July 2010

     When we first met I was dating someone very wrong for me, a cheating hooker who had a smorgasbord of drug problems, unbeknownst to me. Husband played the occasional game of pool with this person, and had an eye for me, also unbeknownst to me. When the hooker and I broke up, Husband was also newly single from his own cheating hooker escapade, and we both bonded while in a mental state I have coined, "The sad hoodie". Being "sad hoodie" was termed from the night when I went into the bar and found him 6 whiskeys deep, resting his head on his fists with his hoodie over his head. It was the saddest thing I'd ever seen. I knew exactly how he felt, except I wasn't wearing a hoodie. The next few months we became close friends, sharing everything in our past all the way up to our present, and even talked about the unsuccessful dates we were currently going on here and there. We were able to share anything with each other, and it was so...perfect. He was truly my best friend, my drinking buddy, my confidant, and my comfort. 
We're on the left

The first "good 'ol days"
       So then we did it and it was rad, and then after 4 months of secretly dating I finally introduced him to Gage, who instantly liked him. Gage said to me one day soon after that, "He should be your boyfriend Mom. I like him." And that was that. Next thing I knew, I was knocked up (I found out on Father's day) and we all moved in together and became a family!

     Husband didn't propose to me in any kind of traditional way. We had talked about getting married before and it was just kinda understood that we would. Then one Saturday, when I was 8 months pregnant, he said casually, "Hey let's go get married tomorrow. Are we already doing something then? No? Well how much is it to go to the court house and do it? Yeah I'm serious!" I was pissed! How dare he ask me to get married when I'm fat and preggo and can't even drink, and the next day the court was closed anyway, and he didn't even do it in a romantic way! UGH! So ....then I got over it and started planning our wedding. With $350, and that had to include all of our wedding clothes! We had the ceremony at home and the reception at the bar we met at, during regular business hours, so the bar-flies were there too, and we wouldn't have it any other way. Our family was gracious enough to contribute to the cause so the flowers and cupcakes were paid for, and other stuff I can't remember, and the whole thing turned out great! I got my dress at Goodwill for $50, and I actually liked it! Clearly we were meant to be ;)

     Our first year of marriage has been filled with drama and excitement. First we had a baby, I graduated from college, then we moved across the country when Bug was 7 months old, she broke her leg on the way here (fell off a hotel bed), Husband started a new job, My Dad died, Gage took his first plane ride alone, I started a business, we had a multitude of house guests, and each of us has learned a whole lot more about ourselves and each other. I'm probably forgetting something...Whew! I feel like it's a new beginning now, and that's pretty awesome too.

     A year ago today I married my perfect person. It took us a long time to accidentally find each other. And giving this man a chance was, without a doubt, the best decision I ever made, and the most fun I have ever had..For those who missed it, here's our ceremony. I took bits and pieces of ceremonies and vows I found online and this is what we ended up with. Wish I could take all the credit! Don't worry, it's short...haha

     We are gathered here, not to witness the beginning of what will be, but rather what already is! We do not create this marriage, because we cannot. We can, however, celebrate with S and Kerryanne,  the wondrous and joyful occurrence that has already taken place in their lives, and the continued commitment they make today.
    It is often said that it is love that makes the world go round. However, without doubt, it is friendship which keeps our spinning existence on an even keel. True friendship provides so many of the essentials for a happy life- it is the foundation on which to build an enduring relationship, it is the mortar which bonds us together in harmony, and it is the calm, warm protection we sometimes need when the world outside seems cold and chaotic. True friendship holds a mirror to our foibles and failings, without destroying our sense of worthiness. True friendship nurtures our hopes, supports us in our disappointments, and encourages us to grow to our best potential. Kerryanne and S came together as friends. Today, they pledge to each other not only their love, but also the strength, warmth and, most importantly, the fun of true friendship. 

     We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong.
     Why is this?
     Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. It isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems – the ones that make you truly who you are – that you’re ready to find a life-long mate.
     Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for. You’re looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: the right wrong person – someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, “This is the problem I want to have!"
     The bride and groom have gotten tattoos as a symbol of the bond of their love, and so with their vows they will enter into marriage.

I promise to be your lover, companion, and friend,
Your partner in parenthood,
Your ally in conflict,
Your greatest fan and your best friend.
Your comrade in adventure,
Your student and your teacher,
Your consolation in disappointment,
Your accomplice in mischief,
Your strength in your need, and vulnerable to you in my own,
And most of all, your associate in the search for your own fulfillment.

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