Mom of the year

     The father-daughter relationship gets a lot of attention. The phrase "Daddy issues" has been uttered in jest or judgement so often that virtually everyone knows what it means. Tonight as I watched my husband and daughter engage in their latest Daddy-daughter bonding ritual (she lays on her back while he rubs her belly, usually with her pacifier or toothbrush handy) it sparked a thought or two. I envy her sometimes, for the relationship she has with her Dad, and at the same time, I am proud of my choice in her father and I want to brag to the whole world that I picked a Daddy so brilliant, people should take classes from him. The funny thing about that is, he will tell you he has no idea what he's doing, he just loves her. Sounds easy enough, right? I don't think it is, for every man.      Our family has a mission statement. BE HONEST. That's all. It's what this family was founded on. It's what I have learned from experience is the most impo...

     I had an epiphany! I should start my own business, because I have a hobby I can profit from and a repulsion to working for other people, especially in a "team" environment. It has come to the point in our family where it's pretty hard to function comfortably on one income, and my experience lies in the service industry, which in Florida amounts to far below poverty wages. Unacceptable. My other option is to work for the family business, which used to sound interesting, but now I realize it's just retail and I'd rather wait tables. Except I don't want to wait tables. Starting the business was the quickest decision I have ever made, which is scary, but also funny because it shows how little I want to go out and get a "real" job.        The subject of family businesses and the food service industry reminds me of when I worked at Olive Garden, where they "treat you like family". Just in case you don't know, companies who tell you the...

     I don't want to be Debbie Downer, I hate those kind of people. But here I am, Debbie Downer-ing. It's mostly because I feel sort of shitty and vulnerable at the moment. Mine and Gage's allergies are through the roof lately. Gage has always had this problem, and luckily we have been able to treat it quite well with Claritin and Nasonex, but here, his symptoms are far worse than in California, I assume just because he is getting used to new allergens. Here, the allergies cause him to get migraines. Poor thing. For me it isn't as bad, just mild sniffles and coughing, but the worst part is why I feel vulnerable...ear congestion. I am already deaf in my left ear, so to have my right ear clog up so bad that I can hear my heart beating is almost scary. I was at the grocery store today and couldn't hear a thing the cashier and bagger were saying. It was even worse because my bagger today was the lady with Down Syndrome and a southern accent.      P...

     I think poor husband was exposed to poison ivy, or some other poisonous plant life in our yard. At the moment, he is hopped up on Benadryl and beer and covered in Calamine lotion. The smell of him reminds me of having chicken pox as a kid *shudder*. Chicken pox sucked. The way I hear it, poison ivy rash sucks even worse. The other day he was trying to clear the huge amount of uncontrolled brush in our yard (shirtless), and when he told me he was pulling vines off the trees I got a little nervous, but talked myself into thinking I was just being silly. Here's why I went against my better judgement.      When we first moved to this house, which is owned by my in-laws, I was given the "leaves of three, let them be" warning. As I became more familiar with the yard, I realized that tons of plants had three leaf groupings, and I had no idea what was what. So I did a whole day's research and felt pretty confident that we had some poison ivy he...

     This was truly the most uncomfortable, embarrassing moment of my whole life. Embarrassed for myself, and for the other person, and then myself again. I'll tell you this story for two reasons. One, because it's too good to keep to myself, and two, because it still makes me think about some really interesting ideas. Oh, and three, because I don't have enough content for a recent story.      From 1998 until 2008 I worked in a strip club, first as a bartender/waitress, then a bar manager, then a manager. Ooo...that's really edgy...no it's not. It's sad. But for a woman who got her GED and that's it, and had three people to support by herself, it was a sweet gig. I made a ridiculous amount of money for what I did. I didn't even have to mix drinks so it was easy. In California, fully nude clubs are not allowed to have alcohol, but we did have O'Doul's, and I had a perfect pour I'll have you know. Working in a strip club is very strange at fi...

     This weekend Husband and I went out on a date, which hardly ever happens so I was super excited. First we went to a trendy bar/restaurant downtown and had an appetizer and some foreign beers we never tried before. It was good, but not really our scene. It was a college kid kind of place. Next we went to this  shitty little neighborhood bar we found a couple months ago. Neighborhood bars are our thing. We will pretty much go to any dive bar we come across. Except for that one time we pulled up and I could see through the window that it was a potential "Deliverance" reunion inside. I may be exaggerating, but in any case, it did not seem safe.         Husband and I first met in a crappy little neighborhood bar, back in California. The floor was sticky but the drinks were stiff, and our little hometown bar became our second home. The friends we made there became family. It was so comfy and the people were so accepting, all the wo...

     Toddlers do weird shit. Well, my toddler is doing especially weird shit because she's on medication that makes her loopy. This morning I gave her dose just before breakfast, and by the end of her meal she was face down in a pile of bananas, talking to them sternly. I wish I would have video taped it to show at her sweet sixteen party.          Hormones are a bitch. They make you think you want to get pregnant and have some kids. Isn't it funny, the language people use to describe parenthood? Once you actually have the kids, you suddenly hear the true meaning behind the cliche's. For example, "They will change your life, but you'd never have it any other way", sounds more like, "You won't go to the bathroom alone for the next 3 years, and you will never watch porn in the living room again."      Countless books have been written with titles like, 'What you need to know about parenting that nobody tells yo...