Mom of the year

     Of course my husband doesn't beat me. And I don't beat my kids. I spanked Gage once, in mid chase, as he was attempting to cross a busy street. No, wait. He just reminded me of the time he rode his bike directly in front of a moving vehicle, right in front of me and his bio-dad when he was 7. His butt got smacked then too. You get the picture. Anyway, even though nobody hits anyone else, this is a threat we use sarcastically, in jest. Oh yeah, and domestic violence is totally not funny!            That said......Husband is going to beat me. I spent sooooooooooooooooooooo much money at Walmart between yesterday and today. Okay not that much. More like $soo.oo much. You dig? I had good reason though! Prescriptions, groceries, toiletries, super huge box O' diapers, bandanas to make gifts for the adorable baby girls of my cousins and friends, a beach umbrella, a super cute cover-up and patriotic swimsuit for Bug....it w...

     The plan was to write a beautiful love letter to my kids as the Mother's Day blog entry. I was gonna make you people cry with my eloquent tales of Mothering my little angels. And then this week happened. Oh, I still love the kids, and I am the luckiest Mama in the world, blah blah blah...I have been inundated with Mother's Day mushiness for a month, from TV to social media, the other blogs I read and my friends and family. I am well aware of what I am supposed to want. Here's what I really want. 1. I want to spend a whole day working on my sewing and craft projects, and only interact with the baby when it's convenient for me, and she is happy and cute. The second poop stank wafts up from her diaper, or she gets hungry, I want to hand her off to someone else. 2. I want to take a nap without having the pressure of only having an hour to do so, because that's all I can afford to pay in babysitting fees for Gage. 3. I want to make myself something to eat wit...

     Hahahahaha...oh wow....I was just looking at the stats for my blog, because I was interested to see where my views are coming from these days. For a while there, I had a ton of readers from a vampire website in Russia. Don't ask, I have no idea. So anyway, at the bottom there's a spot where it will tell you if someone hit your blog from a search entry. Like, if I type into Google, "Who is the mom of the year?" and my blog showed up in the search results. So the only hit I ever got from a search just appeared, and it is fascinating! The search entry was.... "Can you masturbate with honey?"      Isn't that the best thing you've heard all day? What happened there? I'm dying to find out...was this person desperately searching their pantry for something to masturbate with? Do they just really like honey and wanted to be more intimate with it? Is it a fetish? I can't imagine which is most likely...and then what happened, did they go throug...

     I totally need to get out of the house. Yeah, I know I've been saying that for months now. But for reals. The time is now. But what do I do? Roller derby didn't end up being something I wanted to dedicate myself to out here, and I had put all my eggs in that basket. Why not derby? Well for one, I forgot how late practices typically are, and that afterward you're so amped up it's impossible to sleep right when you get home. Staying up until one or two isn't an option with this baby thing in my life. Second, when I skated before, I took Gage with me to practices, and Bug is just too young for me to do that. Third, I hate the way the game has changed. The new rules suck, and turning roller derby into a family event makes it less fun for me. So, meh.      The obvious choice for easy socialization is...Dun.. Dun.. Dun... Playgroups. Yep, we're at that point. Now normally, you know I don't like Moms because they are the most judgmental and uptigh...

     I just saw an ex-meth addict I know make some really stupid, rude and WRONG comments about something on Facebook, so I'm gonna rant now.      I'm just gonna go ahead and say something that will likely piss some people off, but I don't give a shit, because I can firmly stand by my words on this one. It seriously angers me when people talk shit about welfare programs and the people who use them. Food stamps, Medicaid, all of it. I have heard people make some very offensive and factually wrong assumptions about the race, citizenship status, intelligence level, and ethics of people they have never met, based solely on their participation in a government program. They have very little knowledge of how these programs work or who is actually utilizing them. And you know what? The people I hear complaining the loudest have no fucking right to say anything about how other people use government programs, or being lazy, and half of them I see as being...